Tyra Banks
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Tyra first made her mark as a supermodel, although it is unclear exactly how a model earns the honorific “super.” They don’t really do anything except look pouty and vomit. Oh, and every once in a while, there’s a boob slip. Seems like anyone could be super at that.
Tyra is the creator, host, and head judge of "America’s Next Top Model," a reality show that tortures then photographs a panel of young women competing for a chance to be tortured professionally. She co-created "True Beauty," a show that judges inner beauty, with Ashton Kutcher, a noted expert on the subject. Tyra also hosts her own talk show, runs her own company, and even recorded her own album, T.Y.R.A (the acronym stands for “Tight Yet Round Ass), which was predictably terrible.
The self-appointed voice of “real” women, Tyra bids her followers to “Rock what you got!” Of course, that’s easy for her to say, considering she’s got 34-28-40 measurements, a whole team of hair and makeup artists, and Karl Lagerfeld personally designing her clothes.
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Early life
Tyra Banks began trying but not quite making it as a one-name celebrity from her birth on December 4, 1973, a birthday she shares with Spanish dictator Francisco Franco, former U.S. Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill, the drummer from the Beach Boys, and the dude who played “The Dude” in Big Lebowski.
Career
Modeling
Tyra began modeling at age 17, and has since done print and/or runway work for such glamorous brands as Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana, Isaac Mizrahi, Tommy Hilfiger, and Coors Light.
In 1997, Tyra appeared on the covers of both the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. In this way, she has served as masturbatory fodder for every male in America born between the years 1984 and 1986. You’d have to assume anyone older than that was able to get his hands on real porn.
Throughout her career, Tyra faced fierce rivalry with Naomi Campbell, who, according to Tyra, would get her thrown off of fashion shows. Whatever, she’s lucky she didn’t get clobbered her with a jewel-encrusted cell phone. Or worse. Naomi Cambell’s psycho.
Tyra retired from modeling in May 2005 at the age of 32, which is like 119 in model years. Ostensibly, she said she wanted to concentrate on her television career. Really, she wanted the world to stop looking at her ass.
Television
Tyra made her television debut on the fourth season of "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air". This somehow qualified her to host her own talk show, "The Tyra Banks Show." No one really watched this show until Tyra started featuring contestants from her other show
"America’s Next Top Model" premiered in 2003 as a vehicle for Tyra to continue looking great by placing herself alongside a bunch of rank amateurs. Cranking out “cycle” after “cycle,” ANTM is the #1 rated show on the CW, which is kind of like being the hottest chick at a sci-fi convention.
Tyra has also released a clothing and and accessories line based on ANTM, sold exclusively at Wal-Mart. Nothing says high fashion like Wal-Mart
In 1994, "People" magazine named Tyra one of its “50 Most Beautiful People in the World,” which sounds more impressive than it is considering Al Gore finished four places higher than she did. Tyra made the list again in 1996, this time joined by Martha Stewart, Jenny McCarthy, and that self-important butt-wad who hosts "America’s Most Wanted." This begs the question: Who’s making these lists over there at "People"?
Money
Reportedly, Tyra earns $23 million a year. At a height of 5 ft. 10 in., that means every each inch of her is worth nearly $350,000. Boy howdy!
Does anyone else think Tyra kind of looks like a tranny?
Well?
