Tom Tancredo
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Tancredo's sole political position seems to be resolute opposition to illegal immigration. This stance, however, seems to be less so informed by logic and reason and more so informed by panic that one of the Tancredo grandkids will be named Tom Tancredo-Rodriguez. It's as though, after seeing the first act of West Side Story, he got all fired up and stormed out and never saw the ending.
Some critics have identified Tancredo as hispanophobic, which is actually incorrect. He's also afraid of Muslims. And once said we should threaten to bomb Mecca.
One thing, however, that Tancredo has not demonstrated a fear of is looking like a fool on television, an activity he has frequently pursued.
During the 2008 Presidential campaign, Tancredo—America's littlest candidate—used every form of implicit racism and fear mongering available to him. For most Americans, this aggressive (if coarse and ignoble) campaign technique was still not enough to make him at all distinguishable from Duncan Hunter or Jim Gilmore, two fellow candidates best known for having been candidates.
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Early life
Tancredo was born and raised in Denver, Colorado, which must have been a trying youth as Denver is the city with the fifth largest Mexican-American population in the United States. Both sets of his grandparents immigrated to the United States from Italy several years earlier, a fact that would later be completely lost on him.
In the 8th grade, Tancredo once had a school project wherein he had to play the role of Fidel Castro. After some thoughtful consideration—and 10 hours of constant showering—Tancredo apparently decided that he was going to devote his entire life to making it difficult for everyone in the country to get a decent chimichanga.
He attended the University of Northern Colorado, a state university best known for not being one of the state universities anyone's heard of—appropriately foreshadowing his Presidential candidacy. While there, Tancredo was a member of the Young Republicans, a collegiate organization that's had remarkable success extending virginities since it's founding in the late 1800s. Matters were undoubtedly not improved when, in the 1960s, he often spoke on campus in support for the Vietnam War.
Of course, like many political dicks, when it came time to actually enlist for military service, Tancredo received a deferment for his "depression." While many leading psychologists would diagnosis Tancredo's nagging mental ailment with the technical term "cowardice," it is possible that Tancredo was suffering from a form of depression induced by the increasing Mexican population in Denver.
Tancredo served two terms in the Colorado House of Representatives before going on to be the regional representative for the Department of Education where his biggest achievement was getting rid of 70% of the staff.
Somewhere during this time, Tancredo converted from being an Italian-American Catholic to an Italian-American Evangelical Presbyterian, a species of Christian that is almost entirely unheard of outside the overly ambitious wing of the Republican Party.
Congress
Tancredo became a U.S. Representative from Colorado in 1998. During his years there, he spent most of his time authoring cranky-old-man legislation that most other congressmen wanted no part of.
Congressional highlights include: trying to amend the constitution to name English the national language, voting against sending aid to victims of Hurricane Katrina, and voting against a 9/11 memorial that supposedly resembled a Muslim symbol.
While, early in his career, the public paid as much attention to Tancredo as they do now (none), the September 11th attacks gave Tancredo the perfect national tragedy to exploit. Most notably, Tancredo produced a campaign ad in which he suggested that if we didn't let him seal the borders, there would be another Islamic terrorist attack.
It's unclear how the Mexican-American border is related to the September 11th attack, but if the perpetrators had so much as one chalupa for fourth meal, Tancredo will be sure to let us know.
In 2007, Tancredo ran for the President of the United States of Don't Even Think about It, Mexicans. While some people argue Tancredo's campaign was multifaceted and dynamic, everyone who is not Tom Tancredo agrees that it was only about immigration.
Although his campaign's terrorist ad seemed to indicate our political discourse had reached an all-time low, Tancredo soon after produced another ad in which he claimed illegal immigrants are raping our kids.
Positions on immigration
Tancredo believes that illegal immigration is the greatest threat against the United States and that drastic measures must be taken to secure the borders and deal with those illegally employed now.
He is also against any benefits for illegal immigrants and has referred to the DREAM act—allowing young illegals to attend college—as "a nightmare act," an understandable remark as the only thing more terrifying than a regular illegal immigrant is an illegal immigrant who has sat through a survey of biology course.
Of course, Tancredo has been incredibly accepting of illegal immigrants in once scenario: when they are building TV stands in his house.
Tancredo has said, "Immigrants who cling to their language, heritage and loyalties while living in the U.S. threaten to turn the nation into a 'Tower of Babel.'" Interestingly, Tancredo himself grew up in the Italian neighborhood of north Denver. It's easy to argue that this fact makes Tancredo a hypocrite. And that's because it does.
In his defense, Tancredo himself does not appear to noticeably cling to any of the traditional or stereotypical traits of his Italian-American heritage. That is, aside from all the closeted racism.
Tancredo has positioned himself as the leading politician alerting Americans of the dangers posed by illegal immigration from Mexico, which—ironically—is one of the few jobs that can never be taken by a illegal immigrant from Mexico.
Ridiculous statements
In addition to having little to no cultural sensitivity or even basic tact when expressing his opinions about illegal immigration, Tancredo has also branched out into making asinine statements about other issues.
- Tancredo once suggested that we should threaten to bomb Mecca and Medina as a warning to terrorists.
- Tancredo believes "Islam is bent on destroying us."
- In an interview, Tancredo said that Miami has "become a Third World country."
Sotomayor
In 2009, Tancredo claimed that Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor "appears to be a racist" because she said "things that are racist" though he failed to indicate what they were.
While other dicks (such as Newt Gingrich) have made similar comments, Tancredo is the only one to have also given a speech to the secessionist League of the South in front of Confederate flags while everyone sang "Dixie."
Trivia
- Tancredo and Pat Buchanan founded a PAC called "Team America," which while less hilarious than the movie of the same title, similarly offends most people who come into contact with it. Memorably, the PAC employed activist Marcus Epstein who once assaulted an African-American woman, which resulted in a police report reading: "The defendant uttered, “N*****,” as he delivered a karate chop to [the complainant]’s head."
- Tancredo has claimed the Pope wants more Mexicans in the United States.
- The name Tancredo means "of thoughtful counsel" in Italian.
- Rolling Stone named him one of the 10 Worst Congressmen in 2006 and the National Review has called him "an idiot."
- It is likely that Tancredo was standing on a phonebook during the Presidential debates.
