Teabaggers
From Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks
Alright, the elephant with giant balls in the room. A "teabagger" is defined as: a man who dips his testicles into the mouth of another person (as if dipping a tea bag into hot water).
Despite the fact that calling them "dicks" seems gratuitous in its reference to the male anatomy, never has their dickishness been more evident than when they came out in droves on September 12, 2009, opposing government-run health care, higher taxes, current fashion trends, bailouts, increases in the government's power, shirts with sleeves, and all logical thought. These Teabaggers have taken part in a "grassroots" campaign that has covered the nation in spontaneous protests since tax day 2009. And by "grassroots," I mean "nationally organized and supported by Fox News."
Contents |
Name origins
The Teabaggers' name originates from their membership in the Tea Party, which in itself is a reference to the Boston Tea Party. Their protests have sought to evoke images, slogans, and themes of the American Revolution, including "No Taxation Without Representation," which they feel is applicable to today's issues, which is legit when one considers that they believe that Obama is a Muslim ruling from Afghanistan.
Positions and goals
A major point of contention among the Teabaggers is that those undeserving of aid should not be rewarded with bailouts and free health care. They believe these beneficiaries are taking advantage of people like the Teabaggers, who work so hard and are so dedicated to contributing to the economy that they are free to take off weeks of work to organize and attend these Tea Parties.
In regard to health care, the Teabaggers would prefer that the administration not intervene and that it's not their place to provide government programs. That said, it is safe to assume that many of the Teabaggers currently receive Medicare...a government program.
Activities Teabaggers enjoy
-Mailing bags of tea. In practice, this makes no sense. In theory, it makes even less.
-Comparing Barack Obama to Hitler.
-Chanting "Freedom", not necessarily as a comment on their rights (that'd be silly), but as a quote from "Braveheart."
-Getting riled up that the current administration is turning the nation into Russia (our enemy from 20 years ago).
-Misspelling the word "Muslim"
Disruption tactics
The Teabaggers have a tried and true process when it comes to protesting:
Step One: Turn on Fox News to be told where to direct one's anger.
Step Two: Choose from the following options:
a) That Obama is Muslim (black).
b) That the current administration is a Communist regime.
c) That Obama was not born in America (because he's black).
d) That Jesus was not consulted in the President's decision making process
e) That Obama is black.
Step Three: Get Angry!!!!!!!
Step Four: Mail teabags to the appropriate representatives. And if the delicious earl grey you've sent doesn't make it past security, just send them the tag from the teabag. If you wish to make tea afterward, contact your local representative, who should be well stocked.
Step Five: Find a nationally organized Tea Party, and then attend it with the notion that it was a spur of the moment gathering amongst protesters with similar values.
The Tea Party Express
With all the baggin' it up they were doing, the Teabaggers needed transportation. Starting in August 2009 and ending on September 12th, a cross country bus convoy stopped to protest in 33 cities on its way to its final destination: Arby's.
Strike that, they ended up in Washington, DC. But Arby's was stopped at on the way.
The expedition was coined the "Tea Party Express," beating out other names such as "Hypocrisy on Wheels" and "Cleveland Steamers."
March on September 12th
The majority of the people were there for the grand opening of a new K-Mart, but figured they might as well stay to call Obama "Hitler." The fact that they were carrying "Jesus is King" signs is simply a coincidence.
Never have there been so many fat white people and mustaches in one location since the "Mullets '06" festival took Milwaukee by storm.
Estimates of the number of attendees varied, ranging from tens of thousands to one million. The fact that there was such a discrepancy can be attributed to nobody actually paying attention and protesters possibly claiming that were "like a zillion people there."
Calling Obama names
The American Teabaggers have gotten in the habit of comparing Obama to to Hitler and are often seen carrying signs depicting the President's face with a little mustache on his upper lip.
Like Hitler, Obama is an eloquent public speaker. Clearly the ability to articulate in public equates one with the murderer of 6 million Jews and the general personification of evil. You know who else was a great public speaker? Steve Allen. Or should I say "Steve Hitler." So was that guy you saw give a great toast at a wedding. I bet you didn't realize you were listening to Hitler.
"This ain't Russia!"
Teabaggers have taken issue with Obama's appointment of czars, which are simply advisers on matters such as energy and drug prevention. These "czars" have been a staple of American politics and the modern presidency for decades, and while they date back to FDR's administration, they were prominent during Republican poster boy/C-level actor Ronald Reagan's tenure.
Even Leader of the Dicks George W. Bush had a harem of czars. These included:
A cybsersecurity czar - an adviser who told Bush not to click on the email from "Big Dicks," no matter how much he thought it was an email from himself.
A bird-flu czar - an adviser who warned Bush not to shake the hands of dead pigeons.
A war czar - just a guy who played Bush in the card game loved by children just learning to count.
Urged by stand-up comedian Glenn Beck, the Teabaggers have been outraged at the word "czar" and its Russian origins, for they fear it further provides proof that the nation is headed toward Communism. Aside from the sheer ridiculousness of this belief, it's factually flawed. The last Russian czar was Nicholas II. His reign came to end at the hands of the Bolshevik Revolution, which implemented Communism in Russia. Thus, Communism effectively killed off Russia's tradition of czars. If anything, if these Teabaggers continue to protest the czars' existence, they follow the path of the Bolsheviks, and eventually become the communists themselves.
Dear Teabagger, the shoe is on the other foot.
One more time
A "teabagger" is defined as: a man who dips his testicles into the mouth of another person (as if dipping a tea bag into hot water).
