Roman Polanski
From Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks
One of the more talented rapists of all time, Polanski is best known for films such as "Rosemary's Baby," "Chinatown," and "The Pianist."
In 1977, he was arrested in Los Angeles and pleaded guilty to unlawful intercourse with a minor. To avoid sentencing, Polanski fled to France, a nation that takes pride in its staggeringly high dick population density (one dick per 17 feet). There, he was protected by the country's limited extradition with the U.S. (France holds on to its dicks.)
His decision to avoid jail is not that dickish. In fact it's somewhat understandable, for if the convicted rapist went to prison, he would likely be on the losing end of a little "what's good for the the goose is good for the gander." What is dickish is that in the time since he's left the United States, Polanski has cultivated the image of a sympathetic victim who has been unfairly exiled from the U.S. That however, is not the case. He is not the victim. That title belongs to the 13-year-old he raped.
In September of 2009, Polanski was arrested by Swiss police while trying to enter Switzerland to pick up a lifetime achievement award from the Zurich Film Festival.
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Personal life
In the late 1960s, Polanski moved to the United States where he figured he'd lay the groundwork for Megan's Law.
In 1969, his wife Sharon Tate was murdered by the Manson Family. Many Polanski sympathizers point to this event as justification for his immoral actions. But as the age-old expression goes, "Two dicks don't make a right."
In 1976, at age 43, Polanski began a relationship with Natassja Kinski, who was a teenager at the time. Polanski took full advantage of the young actress. He brought her to movies and paid for the "child ticket," ordered off the kids menu, and generally felt hip again. He also raped her (in the statutory sense).
Their relationship ended during the shooting of the Polanski-directed "Tess," where Kinski played the lead role. Apparently, relationships with coworkers are off limits.
Scandal
In 1977, Polanski conducted a photoshoot of 13-year-old Samantha Gailey for an upcoming issue of "French Vogue." Gailey, an avid reader of "Tiger Beat," agreed to the shoot, which took place at Jack Nicholson's house.
According to Gailey's testimony, Polanski gave the tween a combination of quaaludes and champagne, then physically forced himself on her despite her resistance and repetition of the word "no."
Hoping to protect her from a trial, the prosecution offered Polanski a plea bargain. Polanski, exhausted from the sodomy, accepted, and under the terms of the agreement, five of the initial six charges were dismissed. Instead, Polanski plead guilty to the lesser charge of engaging in unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor, also known as statutory rape. While the charge leaves some wiggle room in its interpretation, there should be no mistake; Polanski drugged and raped a child.
Conviction and "exile"
After a psychiatric evaluation, Polanski's lawyers expected him to only receive probation. However, things took an unexpected turn when the judge suggested he would send the guilty director to prison and order him deported. In response to the threat of imprisonment, Polanski decided to reinterpret the American legal system so it included the phrase, "you may face prison time if you so choose." Polanski decided incarceration wasn't his cup of tea, and left.
Polanski has never returned to the United States, and has since lived comfortably in France, occasionally jet-setting to Germany, Poland, and the Czech Republic (any nation with an open dick policy).
In 1979, although he was home free, gallivanting throughout Eastern Europe, Polanski decided to slap the U.S. in the face with a controversial interview with the novelist Martin Amis. Regarding his conviction, he said, "If I had killed somebody, it wouldn't have had so much appeal to the press, you see? But...fucking, you see, and the young girls. Judges want to fuck young girls. Juries want to fuck young girls. Everyone wants to fuck young girls!"
In the past 30 years, Polanski has enjoyed a successful career living in France, a beautiful and cultured nation, with his wife and children. But according to his supporters, these years in "exile" have been a punishment. He didn't even get to pick up his Oscar in 2003.
Rape-ography
Since his arrest in September 2009, Polanski's sympathizers have come out in droves. These supporters include Hollywood players such as Woody Allen (not the best track record when it comes to sexual history with younger women) and Whoopi Goldberg (one of our great legal minds).
Many of Polanski's defenders point to his storied career, which is filled with cinematic masterpieces. His resume includes:
-"Rosemary's Baby"
Stars Mia Farrow as a young woman who gets raped and impregnated by the Devil.
Before shooting the rape scene in "Rosemary's Baby," Polanski repeatedly made comments like "I think the director should be cast as the Devil" and "When can I rape somebody?" When nobody listened to his suggestions, Polanski apparently donned a wig and remarked to crew members: "I think the director would really get the realism in this scene. Let's take a vote."
-"What"
An absurdist comedy with a plot that revolves around a failed rape attempt. Umm...what? How did nobody see this coming?!?! In Polanski's defense, it was a failed rape. Though perhaps that was to throw people off his scent. That rascally Pole.
-"Chinatown"
In Chinatown, there is a character guilty of incest. Sure, rape and incest are not one in the same, but if John Phillips has taught us anything, it's to never listen to the Mamas & The Papas again...and that having sex with your daughter is rape. That in mind, Polanksi presented a rapist that was able to escape charges because of his high profile friends and status.
-"Death and the Maiden"
A film version of the Ariel Dorfman play about a woman who was tortured and repeatedly raped by her fascist captor in an unnamed South American country. Polanski decided to play it straight and made the woman an unbelievable nut and the rapist completely sympathetic.
Chinatown was nominated for 11 Academy Awards including "Best Original Sodomy" and "Best Sound Editing in a Rape Scene."
-"Rush Hour 3"
Polanski had a cameo in the Chris Tucker/Jackie Chan buddy comedy. This film, and his appearance, was a raping of good taste.
Never Ever...
...invite Roman Polanski to a Bat Mitzvah. But if for some reason you do, make sure to remind him that just because she's an adult in the eyes of God doesn't mean that she's actually an adult.
