Pervez Musharraf
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General Pervez Musharraf (born August 11, 1943) is the President of Pakistan, the Chief of Army Staff of the Pakistan Army, and a dick. He came to power in 1999 as a result of a coup d'etat. This was perhaps the safer route to power than an open election, because we're talking about a man named "Pervez."
He took power on October 12, 1999, ousting Nawaz Sharif, the elected Prime Minister, thereby assuming the title of Chief Executive. Later on, he assumed the office of President of Pakistan.
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Early Life
Pervez Musharraf was born in Delhi, British India, during the time of the British Empire, when it was still thought possible for a Western developed country to occupy a lesser developed country that doesn't want to be occupied. Fortunately, Western democracies have learned the lessons of the fall of the British Empire and that sort of thing never happens anymore.
After the partition of India and Pakistan, the Musharraf family moved to Pakistan.
In his memoirs, Musharraf revealed that as a teenager he was critically injured after falling from a mango tree. In the Hindu Vedas, mangoes are referred to as the "food of the Gods." Musharraf is a Muslim. Muslims and Hindus are often at war in that region. This is known as a creepy mango-based syllogism.
Musharraf later attended the Forman Christian College in Lahore. It is not known what nicknames his young male classmates came up with for a boy named "Pervez," but even at a Christian college, it is likely that they were off-color.
At Delhi University, Musharraf participated in a certificate course for media management.
This is an example of foreshadowing.
Military Career
Musharraf was in combat in the Indo-Pakistani War of 1965 and the Indo-Pakistani War of 1971. India and Pakistan do not like each other. In both wars, Musharraf was noted for not abandoning his post under shellfire. While many have noted similarities between Musharraf and United States President George Bush, this is not among them.
Presidency
Military Coup d'etat
Musharraf became de facto Head of Government (using the title Chief Executive, or "Chief," or "The Artist Formerly Known as Pervez") of Pakistan on October 12, 1999 following a bloodless coup d'état. This is a coup in which there is no violence, or casualties, though there were likely some hurt feelings and bruised egos.
On June 20, 2001, Musharraf formally appointed himself President. It was much like one of those old romantic comedies where one character finds out that what he was looking for was right under his nose all along--only, in this case, with more arrests and rounding up of opponents.
Domestic Policy
On January 12, 2002, Musharraf gave a landmark speech condemning all acts of terrorism and pledged to combat Islamic extremism and lawlessness within Pakistan itself. In other words, he was willing to waterboard detainees sent to him by President George Bush.
After nuclear tests were carried out in 1998, the United States and NATO imposed economic sanctions. When Musharraf came to power and promised support in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden, international sanctions were lifted. Some have said the Bush administration has not adequately pressed Musharraf in the search for Bin Laden, but intelligence experts counter that it can be quite difficult to spot a 6' 5" elderly millionaire undergoing regular dialysis in a rural area.
When the president came to power, he claimed that he would restore integrity to The White House Pakistan, even though, as many analysts have noted, his regime has been even more corrupt than the one he replaced.
Emergency Election
On November 3, 2007 Musharraf declared emergency rule in Pakistan. This meant that he would suspend the Constitution, fire the chief justice of the Supreme Court and downgrade the search for Bin Laden from "lazy" to "comically lazy."
The move came two weeks after a power sharing agreement was negotiated with former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto, who had been removed in 1996 on corruption charges. In the weeks since the agreement, Musharraf and Bhutto have publicly feuded and traded accusations -- a relationship not unlike Britney and K-Fed, only with the added possibility a nuclear holocaust.
On November 8, 2007, President Bush criticized Musharraf, saying "you can't be President and head of the military at the same time."
That is an actual quote.
On November 9, 2007, Musharraf announced that elections would be held before February 15 and that he would give up his military uniform before taking the oath of office for his new term as president of Pakistan. In an effort to reduce suspense, Musharraf also went ahead and announced himself as the winner.
Actually, he didn't proclaim himself the winner, but if you're a betting person and plan to put money on the opposition, you should at least get good odds.
