Joe Lieberman
From Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks
Lieberman’s strongest dick quality is his propensity to betray those who have been loyal to him. Whether it’s trading in his kind-of-Jewish first wife Betty for his super-Jewish second wife Hadassah, selling out running mate Al Gore on Meet the Press about counting crucial Florida overseas absentee ballots, or screwing over the Democratic party by campaigning for Republican presidential candidate John McCain, Lieberman has proven to be a world class stabber of backs. He probably only gets away with such treachery because he looks like the live action version of beloved cartoon character Droopy Dog.
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Early life
Born in Stamford, Connecticut on February 24, 1942, Joe Lieberman shares a birthday with Billy Zane, Paula Zahn, Edward James Olmos, and fellow dick, Steve Jobs.
The only son of Marcia Lieberman and liquor store owner Henry Lieberman, young Joe won his first election, for ninth-grade class president, using a poster of himself perched on the roof of his house with the slogan “Vote for me or I’ll jump.” This actually happened and is dumber than anything we could possibly make up.
Lieberman’s education appears to have been taken directly from the “Connecticut Dick Training Package,” ordered from the back pages of Dick Illustrated: BA in Politics and Economics from Yale, editor of the Yale Daily News, law degree from Yale Law School. He was also a member of the Elihu club, the sixth oldest secret society at Yale, which, by the time you get to number six, probably isn’t all that much of a secret anymore. It is unknown if Lieberman ever threw the Elihu Club under the bus by campaigning for one of the other secret societies’ presidential candidates during student body elections.
After getting his law degree, Lieberman worked for New Haven law firm, Wiggin & Dana LLP. Lawyers are dicks. Lieberman is a lawyer. The prosecution rests, Your Honor.
The first wife
Lieberman met his first wife, Betty Haas, when they were both summer interns for Connecticut Senator Abraham Ribicoff. The first ever instance of his famed “Joementum” occurred when this relentless personal inertia pushed him to continue moving right past Hass and their two children on to an entirely new family.
The second wife
After serving as a Connecticut state senator for ten years, Lieberman met his second wife, Hadassah while running his winning campaign for attorney general of Connecticut. No stranger to the powerful forces of inertia herself, the future Mrs. Liberman’s own “Hadassahmentum” had also carried her beyond a first marriage and into Droopy Joe’s withering arms.
The Senate
In 1988, Lieberman was elected to the United States Senate as a Democrat by just 10,000 votes. He respectfully waited ten years before betraying the party who fought to squeeze him into power by publicly scolding Democratic president Bill Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Not yet as ballsy with his backstabbing as he would later become, Lieberman avoided doing further damage to the leader of his party by not voting yes at Clinton’s impeachment hearing. As a dick, this show of loyalty and respect is something he no doubt regrets.
Almost vice president
In 2000, Democratic presidential candidate Al Gore decided he wasn’t popular enough with Jewish voters in crucial swing states like Florida, North Bagelsota and Loxachusetts. When his first choice, Catskills comic Shecky Green declined, Gore asked Lieberman to be his running mate. Lieberman agreed under the condition that Gore return the favor by taking his wife, please.
In an obscure historical footnote, The Gore/Lieberman ticket actually won a majority of the popular vote over the Republican ticket of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, yet lost the election 271 to 266 in the Electoral College. Not to worry though, for Lieberman. Like a true dick, he was also simultaneously campaigning for Senate re-election and won a third term, so when the Gore campaign asked him to help contest some shady overseas ballots in the Florida recount, Lieberman declined so as not to hurt his own future presidential chances. Lieberman:1, Gore: 0.
Not even close to being president
In January 2003, Lieberman announced he was pursuing the Democratic nomination for president. In true turncoat style, he dickishly released An Amazing Adventure, a campaign memoir he co-wrote with journalist Sarah Crichton, part of which blamed the 2000 election loss on Gore for not having listened to his many critiques. Lieberman: 2, Gore: 0.
Unfortunately, the Joementum never really got past first gear, and Lieberman was trailing badly in the Democratic primaries. The final nail was hammered into his campaign coffin when Al Gore endorsed Howard Dean over him, saying "All of us need to get behind the strongest candidate." Lieberman withdrew from the race without winning a single primary, placing 7th behind John Kerry, John Edwards, Howard Dean, Dennis Kucinich, Wesley Clark and Al Sharpton. Gore: 85, Lieberman: 2.
Demo-whats?
After publicly stating that George W. Bush’s Iraq invasion was valid (it wasn’t) because Iraq was involved in the 9/11 attacks (they weren’t), Lieberman lost the Connecticut Democratic Party's 2006 renomination to somebody who actually stood for things Democrats stand for. Lieberman then ran as an "independent Democrat" on the ticket of the dickishly named Connecticut for Lieberman party. After actually winning the election, he made a deal with the Democratic leadership, saying his independent status was a technicality and that he would continue to caucus in the Senate as a Democrat.
What the Democratic leadership failed to take into account is that Joe Lieberman is a dick, and in 2008 he turned on them yet again by endorsing Republican candidate John McCain for President and saying that he would be willing to speak at the 2008 Republican National Convention on McCain’s behalf. If that isn’t dickish enough, Lieberman has even been mentioned as a possible Vice Presidential nominee on McCain’s ticket. He has denied interest in the position, but a “no” from a dick is about as reliable as having Joe Lieberman as your running mate, party member and/or first husband.
