Bill O'Reilly
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Broadcasting Career
After a series of undistinguished broadcasting jobs in mid-tier markets, O’Reilly first rose to prominence though his CBS coverage of the Falklands War (see Dickipedia: Margaret Thatcher). However, O’Reilly swiftly torpedoed his relationship with CBS by accusing them of stealing “his” footage and using it in another reporter’s piece. This incident was then recapped in O’Reilly’s 1998 novel Those Who Trespass, in which thinly-fictionalized versions of O’Reilly’s former co-workers are brutally murdered. Post-Virginia Tech, this sort of writing is known as “grounds for forcible institutionalization.”
In O’Reilly’s case, however, the CBS fracas propelled him into an anchor job on Inside Edition, a tabloid infotainment program to which O’Reilly later inaccurately attributed multiple Peabody awards, then still later inaccurately denied his initial inaccuracy and accused his chroniclers of describing his actions inaccurately. In 2008, a video surfaced depicting O'Reilly's jovial, warm attitude with his co-workers that made him a pleasure to work with, prompting him to deliver a graceful on-air response.
Ultimately, O’Reilly found his true home at Fox News, where he has used his own show The O’Reilly Factor to take down worthy targets ranging from the widows of 9/11 victims to the children of 9/11 victims. O’Reilly has successfully branded The O'Reilly Factor with the slogan “The No Spin Zone,” which is sort of akin to branding Tehran “America’s #1 Spring Break Hotspot.”
Personal Life
O’Reilly has shown interest in the traditional dick hobby of sexually harassing female subordinates. According to a complaint leveled by Andrea Mackris, a former producer, O’Reilly subjected her to a series of his carnal fantasies, including one involving Mackris’ “spectacular boobs” and the sexual use of a loofah, which O’Reilly later, inexplicably referred to as “falafel.” While O’Reilly is apparently in favor of using falafel as a sexual stimulant, he is much less in favor of the food’s area of origin, having referred to the Iraqi people as a “prehistoric group.” In the same broadcast, O’Reilly further cemented his reputation for fostering productive relationships, noting that, when it comes to U.S. intervention in the Muslim world, “What we can do is bomb the living daylights out of them….no more group troops, no more hearts and minds. Ain’t going to work.”
O'Reilly as Ideological Crusader
In 2003, O’Reilly called for a boycott of French products in retaliation for French President Jacques Chirac’s stance on the Iraq war, later citing a non-existent publication as proof of the boycott’s success. O’Reilly has also consistently railed against what he calls the “War on Christmas,” a societal backlash towards the sacredness of a holiday marked by trampling deaths at Wal-Mart.
Continued Works
O’Reilly has continued to pursue a wide variety of dickish activities. During his show of September 19, 2007, O’Reilly expressed surprise at the fact that the primarily black patrons at a Harlem restaurant were quiet and well-behaved, comments that shocked and outraged anyone who’s never gone to see a movie above 86th Street. A month later, he referred to Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling as a “provocateur” for outing one of the book’s characters as gay, warning that the revelation would be of grave concern for parents “worried in America about the gay agenda and indoctrination of their children to see homosexuality in a certain way.” These comments, along with his recent suggestion that an imprisoned victim of kidnapping and horrific child abuse “liked” his situation, indicate that O’Reilly’s dickishness shows no sign of abating any time soon.
George Tiller
Though O'Reilly regularly smears people and often says things that anyone with a dial-up modem and 15 minutes could prove false, it was not until 2009 that someone died.
In May 2009, Dr. George Tiller, a medical doctor who performed late-term abortions, was murdered outside of his church. Many critics argue that O'Reilly's frequent use of the term "Tiller the Baby Killer" precipitated the killing. This theory could be described as merely a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy, but, more importantly, it removes too much of the blame from some of the lunatics (or luna-dicks) who watch The Factor.
Regardless, while one civil rights activist agreed that O'Reilly's comments did not technically incite violence, only a real dick would say something that would subsequently require someone else to identify it as not technically inciting some kind of violence.
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