Ann Coulter
From Dickipedia - A Wiki of Dicks
Early years
Coulter was born in New York City and raised in Connecticut by an upper middle class family. Her father, John Vincent, was an FBI agent turned union-buster who enjoyed shooting squirrels in his backyard. According to a column Coulter wrote upon this dick’s death on January 4, 2008, he was “very funny.” She concluded her tribute, “Now Daddy is with Joe McCarthy and Ronald Reagan. I hope they stop laughing about the Reds long enough to talk to God about smiting some liberals for me.” Unfortunately for John Vincent Coulter, based on whom he’s hanging out with, it sounds like he’s in hell.
College
Coulter attended Cornell University, where she helped found The Cornell Review in 1984. The fortnightly tabloid, patterned after the Dartmouth Review, railed against affirmative action, gay rights, abortion, anti-apartheidism, and “political correctness,” which is a term dicks use derisively when they are chastised for dressing up in blackface at Halloween parties.
After graduating from Cornell, Coulter got her law degree at the University of Michigan. She then got a job with Senator Spencer Abraham (R-MI), where she made herself useful by helping to craft legislation designed to speed up the deportation of aliens convicted of felonies.
Personal life
Coulter has dated many dicks, among them conservative author Dinesh D’Souza (who wrote a 1981 article for the Dartmouth Review naming the officers of the Gay Student Alliance, some of whom had not yet come out) and Spin magazine founder and publisher – and second-generation dick – Bob Guccione, Jr. Though she claims to have been engaged many times, she has yet to meet Mr. Rightwingnut. Those concerned with the future of humankind are watching Coulter’s biological clock, counting the days until the onset of the menopause that will render the species safe from her virulent strain of DNA.
Coulter divides her time between her Manhattan condominium and her Palm Beach home, where, when she’s not dating dicks, she enjoys reading the Bible and books about serial killers.
Ubiquity
Coulter is a multi-media presence, turning up all too regularly on television and radio talk shows where she frequently says things with the sole purpose of creating controversy – like Madonna but without the faux-British accent and public masturbation.
She also writes a weekly hysterical rant column which periodically makes news by containing something offensive enough to require its cancellation by some conservative publication or another. This column can also be found at www.anncoulter.com, a link to which appears on the Website of her widely-believed-to-be-a-closeted-homosexual friend Matt Drudge. On September 12, 2001, Coulter wrote, "We should invade [Muslim] countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." (The National Review dropped her column over this.) She also refers to Muslims as "ragheads," “jihad monkeys," "tent merchants," and "camel jockeys." When confronted about such epithets, Coulter will often erroneously claim that she was being “funny.”
Coulter is the author of six venomous screeds books, five of which feature her equine visage on their covers.
Bound pages
High Crimes and Misdemeanors: The Case Against Bill Clinton
Several passages of Coulter’s first deranged opus book, published in 1998, were said to have been plagiarized from the Human Events article “A Case for Impeachment” by Michael Chapman. Careful comparisons of the text blocks in question demonstrate the speciousness of these allegations.
In one instance Chapman wrote, "Four Democratic fund raisers have stated that former DNC Finance Chairman Marvin Rosen explicitly advocated selling access to the President." Coulter wrote, "At least four Democratic fund-raising officials have revealed that former DNC Finance Chairman Marvin Rosen explicitly advocated selling access to the president ..." While the last 14 words of these passages are identical, Coulter’s addition of the introductory phrase “At least,” and her substitutions of the words “fund-raising officials” and “revealed” clearly make the thought her own.
In another example, Chapman wrote, "A DNC fund raiser told Nynex executives they would receive invitations to White House ‘coffees’ if they joined the DNC’s ‘Managing Trustees’ program and agreed to donate $100,000." Coulter’s sentence, while otherwise admittedly exactly alike, diverged into originality with her reference to “Nynex Corporation executives” and her omission of quote marks around coffees.
Also, Chapman’s reference to “Harry Thomason, the Hollywood TV executive” – or, as Coulter put it, “the Hollywood television executive” – said that he met the Clintons when he “was a high school football coach in the 1970s in Arkansas.” Coulter’s description of Thomason as “an Arkansas high school football coach in the 1970s” clearly bares little if any resemblance to Chapman’s.
The part of the book where she suggests limiting discussion about Clinton to “whether to impeach or assassinate” is understood to be one hundred percent her own.
Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right
This odious tome book, published in 2002, put forth the theories that liberals hate America more than Muslims do, and that the media – the same craven media that had given George W. Bush the least-deserved free ride in U.S. history – had actually subjected this squanderer of America’s reputation to unfair negative coverage. Coulter speculated at one point that the reader might be "currently wondering if I'm criminally insane, or just one of the most ignorant, soulless individuals ever." Couldn’t it be both?
Slander spent 20 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. The most infamous quote from it is Coulter’s description of Today host Katie Couric as “the affable Eva Braun of morning television.” When Coulter promoted the book on Today, Couric introduced her as a “right-wing tele-bimbo.”
Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism
The opening chapter of Coulter’s third lunatic jeremiad book points out that “liberals have a preternatural gift for striking a position on the side of treason.” She adds, “Whenever the nation is under attack, from within or without, liberals side with the enemy … liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots.”
Coulter claimed that "the portrayal of Senator Joe McCarthy (one of 20th century America’s Brobdingnagian dicks) as a wild-eyed demagogue destroying innocent lives is sheer liberal hobgoblinism.” According to Coulter, poor McCarthy was a misunderstood patriot penalized for his lack of couth. Coulter’s former friend, the repentant conservative David Brock, observed, “I think that she has made a mistake with this book. Where do you go next? Holocaust denier? Slavery defender?”
Reviewing Treason in the Washington Post on July 27, 2003, Anne Applebaum wrote, “Coulter hasn’t got an ironic or witty bone in her body. Her insults are crass and dull-witted, and her jokes fall flat.”
How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must): The World According to Ann Coulter
Coulter’s fourth book was a collection of her bilious spewings columns and talk-show transcripts.
It included her 2004 attack on Max Cleland, a former Georgia senator who lost his seat to an opponent whose campaign was masterminded by Karl Rove. While some might think of the triple-amputee Vietnam vet as something of a patriot, Coulter knew better. Cleland, thrice-maimed in the service of his country, was against the Iraq war and therefore, by definition, a traitor to America.
Godless: The Church of Liberalism
Coulter’s fifth crazed diatribe book debuted at the top of the New York Times bestseller list on June 25, 2006. Its premise was that liberalism was so anti-religion that it was like … a religion!
Though the book contained tens of thousands of words, about a third of them devoted to debunking evolution, it will be remembered for its breathtaking attack on the “Jersey Girls” – the four 9/11 widows who had the effrontery to demand an investigation into the intelligence and security failures that allowed the attacks. “These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis,” Coulter wrote. “I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much. And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren’t planning to divorce these harpies?”
The widows issued a statement: “Contrary to Ms. Coulter’s statements, there was no joy in watching men that we loved burn alive. There was no happiness in telling our children that their fathers were never coming home again.”
As with her first toxic tirade book, allegations of plagiarism were again leveled at Coulter, though not for the Jersey Girls section. A collection of two dozen examples of plagiarized passages, taken from her body of work through mid-2006, can be found on TPM Muckraker.
If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans
Coulter’s latest malignancy book is another collection of previously published or uttered provocations. With Coulter fatigue beginning to set in, the author managed to propel herself back into the headlines by indirectly referring to Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a “faggot.” (She had previously called Al Gore a “total fag.”) On March 5, 2007, she appeared on Hannity and Colmes and explained that “faggot isn’t offensive to gays, it has nothing to do with gays. It’s a schoolyard taunt meaning ‘wuss.’”
As Coulter’s shtick has inevitably worn thin over the years, she has had to take increasingly extreme measures to attract attention – not unlike a young ingénue who goes to Hollywood, takes some soft-core work to pay the rent, then finds herself a year later in the middle of her first triple penetration scene. In Coulter’s case, however, it is the public that is on the receiving end.
Calculatedly controversial combinations of words
- “Want to make liberals angry? Defend the United States.”
- “Never apologize to, compliment, or show graciousness to a Democrat.”
- “[The] Spawn of Satan convention in Boston [was attended by] corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons.”
- “If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine.”
- “We [Christians] just want Jews to be perfected.”
- “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”
Trivia
- Los Angeles Times columnist Patt Morrison called Coulter “the Miss Mullah of the Peroxide Right.”
- The dead person Coulter most admires is Joe McCarthy.
- Coulter was described by The Observer of London as “Rush Limbaugh in a miniskirt,” an image in equal measure amusing and repulsive to contemplate.
Hot? Not!
Coulter is perceived as sexy by that segment of the population that has no idea how unsexy an emaciated, horse-faced harridan with chemically ravaged hair actually is, no matter how mini her skirt.
