Al Franken
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Al Franken first gained prominence during the 1970s as both a performer and writer for Saturday Night Light, which would itself, in time, become a veritable dick spawning ground. Since then, Franken’s egotistical chubby has swollen into a raging megalomaniacal erection, as he gradually tumesced from a bestselling author into the host of a nationally-syndicated radio show.
Then, in a move previously only joked about by other politically-minded humorists, Al Franken actually decided to run for elected office. In September 2008, he won the Minnesota Democratic primary for U.S. Senate, despite officially running as a member of the Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party (presumably, he lost the Farmer-Labor primary to a self-propelled John Deere hay baler).
Say what you will about Al Franken, at least he didn’t drop his original last name to sound less Jewy. He’s also won an Emmy Award. But then again, who hasn’t?
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Early life
Al Franken began the gradual transformation—from comedian who occasionally talked politics to political commentator who occasionally told jokes—starting at his birth on May 21, 1951, a birthday he shares with Mr. T, Judge Reinhold, Biggie Smalls, and adult film star Belladonna, F.A.M.E.’s “Dirtiest Girl in Porn” 2007.
Son of a homemaker and a printing salesman, Franken grew up in St. Louis Park, Minnesota, birthplace of fellow bleeding heart opinionista Thomas L. Friedman. There, he attended The Blake School, where he met longtime non-gay partner Tom Davis. Although Davis’ career washed up around 1993, Franken was good enough to let him occasionally appear on “The Al Franken Show.” One assumes Franken will tap Davis to reprise that role in his U.S. Senate office as he always benefits from a straightman.
TV/Film
In 1973, Franken graduated Harvard and began accumulating the vast experience that makes him qualified to be a U.S. senator by writing and performing sketch comedy in Minneapolis, the most hilarious city in the U.S. Oh, wait, sorry—make that “laughable;” Minneapolis, the most laughable city in the most laughable state in the U.S. Two years later, Franken and Davis—who appeared under the clever stage name Franken & Davis (note the ampersand)—somehow managed to be recruited for the original writing staff of Saturday Night Live. Franken stormed off SNL in 1980 after being snubbed for the position of head producer. Five years later, after his film-writing career fizzled, he returned to SNL, dick hat in dick hand. Franken stormed off again in 1995 after being snubbed for the position of “Weekend Update” anchor. If only he’d been given that job, the world might have been spared Jimmy Fallon. Oh, if only.
Though he contributed to many sketches in his fifteen years with SNL, Franken is perhaps best known for creating the character of self-help guru Stuart Smalley, and, in turn, Stuart Saves His Family, which probably ranks as the single worst of many SNL sketches ill-advisedly overgrown into full-length feature films during the mid-to-late 1990s. Well, aside from Night at the Roxbury. That was worse. And Superstar. Ladies Man, too, but aside from those… Oh, also, It’s Pat.
You know, they were all pretty crappy after Wayne’s World. And that includes Wayne’s World 2.
Books
In addition to co-writing the screenplay for When A Man Loves A Woman—a hilarious romp about a family ripped apart by alchoholism—Al Franken has also written five New York Times bestselling books. These include Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations, which albeit accurate, seems rather obvious as far as observations go.
Another of his books, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right, spurred Fox News Channel to sue him over copyright infringement. The suit was found to be “summarily without merit” and dismissed. Do you know what kind of a dick you have to be to take on Fox News and actually win?
Radio
In early 2004, Franken became a talk show host for Air America, a radio station so liberal it actually allowed Franken to use Grateful Dead songs as theme music.
The Al Franken Show aired three hours a day, five days a week, for three years. Now that’s a whole lot of Franken. It was during this time that Al Franken began taking himself more and more seriously, which is always the kiss of death for someone who makes his living joking around. Nonetheless, his show served as Air America’s flagship show, featuring as regular guests some of the top progressive dicks out there, including New Yorker columnists, Peabody winners and Nobel laureates. And they call liberals “elitist.”
U.S. Senate?
Franken’s final show on Air America was broadcast on February 14, 2007, and he used it to announce his candidacy for U.S. Senate. There is a very good chance he got laid that night, it also being Valentine’s Day, and all.
Though the announcement came only after he learned the other candidate for the Democratic nomination had dropped out, the Franken campaign quickly gained a head of steam, energized by his campaign slogan: “He’s good enough, he’s smart enough, and doggone it, people like him.”
Franken’s views are just what you’d expect for a far leftist: marriage for everyone, health care for everyone, environmental protection for everyone, abortions for everyone, guns for no one.
In the frighteningly likely event Al Franken defeats incumbent Republican Norm Coleman, Minnesota will have elected both a professional wrestler and a professional comedian to its two of its highest offices, once again reinforcing the state’s reputation as “most laughable.”
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