2006 Cincinnati Bengals
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The 2006 Cincinnati Bengals have come to epitomize everything that is wrong with the modern athlete.
When most teams look back on the past year’s record, they are usually referring to performance in terms of wins and losses. To the 2006 Cincinnati Bengal player, however, a win or a loss meant whether the player was arraigned or not arraigned on criminal charges. In that regard, most of them "lost."
When most teams announce they are having “off the field issues," they are generally referring to a locker room confrontation between players. When the Cincinnati Bengals announce “off the field problems,” they are strictly speaking of confrontrations between players and the justice system.
It is well known that success can often lead to pride, which can, in turn, lead to behavioral problems. Miraculously, the Bengals 2006 Cincinnati were able to both play poorly and have inflated egos.
Players Arrested
Between April 2006 and June 2007, ten Cincinnati Bengals were arrested. During that same period, the Bengals went 8-8, thereby accumulating more arrests than wins.
Criminal Roster:
Chris Henry – Wide Receiver, drug user, drunk driver, possessor of concealed weapons, provider of alcohol to minors, and physical assaulter of 16-year-old boys.
Odell Thurman – Linebacker and drunk driver.
Frostee Rucker – Defensive end, spousal batterer, and vandal. (In college, he began his career as a sexual harasser and indecent exposer.)
A.J. Nicholson – Linebacker, drunk driver, speeder, marijuana possesser, concealed weapon possessor and domestic abuser. (These might be considered a step in the right direction from his college days, when he was a burglar and a grand theft-er.)
Matthias Askew – Defensive tackle and arrest resistor. Police officers had to taser him after he refused to move an illegally parked car.
Reggie McNeal – Wide receiver, quarterback, possessor of drugs, shover of police officers, and resister of arrest.
Eric Steinbach – Offensive Guard and drunk boater. That is correct: he was officially charged with “Boating Under the Influence.” BUI.
Quincy Wilson – In 2007, he was arrested after his overzealous celebration at a wedding reception spilled over into the realm of what the judicial system calls “disorderly conduct.”
Chad Johnson
It is a small wonder that, on this team of criminals, one player has managed to stand out as a dick even without a visit to arraignment court. Chad Johnson is that dick.
In 2005, Johnson kept a list in his locker during post-game press interviews in which he evaluated which opposing defensive backs could properly cover him. During this period, Johnson was nationally recognized for his flamboyant end-zone dancing, which, to the chagrin of many, is not yet a felony, and his subsequent accruement of fines by the NFL. Some memorable moments included: “Chad Johnson does Riverdance,” “Chad Johnson does the Chicken Dance,” “Chad Johnson Pretends to be Tiger Woods,” “Chad Johnson Proposes,” and, the famous, “Chad Johnson holds up a sign that says, ‘Please Don’t Fine Me!’” (for which he was fined).
He also became an open supporter of wearing bejeweled grills.
In October, 2006 Johnson, whose jersey number is 85, demanded that reporters refer to him as “Ocho Cinco.” He would not answer questions unless referred to as "Ocho Cinco," and once walked onto the field at the start of a game with a patch over his name that read “Ocho Cinco.” This was supposedly in honor of “Hispanic Heritage Month." As it happens, the number 85 in Spanish is actually "Ochenta y Cinco."
In June, 2007, when it seemed Johnson could not be more of a dick, Chad challenged a horse at a charity event to a footrace. Johnson won the race after he was given a significant head start. He is considering a rematch.
Effect on Roger Goodell
When Roger Goodell became the commissioner of the National Football League in 2006, he pledged to clean up the league’s image. Then he met the 2006 Cincinnati Bengals.
